Adoption + Our Story

Hi everyone! I am sharing these adorable photos of Baby Teagan’s Boho Cake smash to celebrate her first birthday!{See more First Birthday Photos} After hearing hearing Teagan’s adoption story I truly felt it would help others out there struggling with IVF, Adoption or both! Of course Mom and Dad loved the idea of sharing their story. I’m so grateful they did because as I read it I was in tears. I have not struggled with this myself. However, I have several friends who have, and I can’t imagine how incredibly difficult it must have been. I want to thank Teagan’s Family for sharing their story, I know it will give someone out there hope who might be struggling right now.

Where The Story Begins

March 2, 2018, is the day our family forever changed; We just didn’t know it quite yet. Unbeknownst to us, a beautiful baby girl who would later become our Teagan Jaymes was born in a local hospital.  We were unaware of her birth and didn’t have any idea that she would later become a member of our family. After bringing so much joy to our hearts and officially being adopted, we are so excited to celebrate her first birthday!  After one amazing year, it has allowed us to reflect on what an amazing, challenging, difficult, and yet rewarding journey it has been.

IVF vs. Adoption

My husband and I began considering adoption in 2015 after we experienced our 3rd miscarriage. Both of us had felt pulled towards adoption and decided to talk to an adoption social worker about the process. At the same time, we also talked with an IVF doctor so that we could explore both options. We ultimately decided to go with IVF (ignoring what we felt in our hearts about wanting to adopt).

A great deal went into the decision, which I am willing to share with anyone who asks! After four failed rounds of IVF and three additional miscarriages; we made the decision not to continue to put myself, both physically and emotionally, through anymore rounds. I credit my incredible husband and mom (the unsung heroes throughout this entire journey), my family, and my friends for my sanity during this time. I was lucky enough to have friends and family who had been through the IVF and adoption process. Their advice and encouragement is what helped us get through the process and feel supported.

The Decision To Adopt

About a week after the last failed round of IVF, we both said we were ready to begin the adoption process. The decision came so quickly and easily for us because deep down we knew all along that this was the journey we were meant to take. I was naive in thinking that this would be easy compared to what we had just been through with IVF. Unfortunately, the adoption process was anything but easy. The home study, background checks, paperwork (paperwork up to my eyeballs!), letters that had to be written by friends and family saying that we are worthy of adopting a baby (whaaaat?!), making a profile book and then…the waiting.

The waiting may have been the hardest part. Making a profile book was a daunting process in itself. How do I make us look like the perfect family?… but not too perfect… but perfect for someone to want to choose us to be their child’s family… ugh!  After submitting our book, we had to wait to be matched with a birth family. I became obsessed with refreshing my email a million times a day, waiting for a “Baby Profile for your Review” email to come up. We often joked that adoption matching felt just like Tinder for Babies; both birth parents and adoptive parents had to “swipe right” (aka say “yes”) for it to be a match.

Frustration

As time went on, we had five birth parents not chose us. So, here we are, again, with no baby. Five more times we weren’t picked. Five times I knew someone else was going to get to have their very own newborn baby that I’d been trying to have. I know what it feels like to hold your own perfect and new baby. I wanted that feeling again. I wanted to grow my family and give my son a sibling.

I knew it WOULD happen…but when? How many more heartaches until we’d get “the call”? Despite my better judgement, every time I would get an email about a baby, I would picture myself with that little boy or girl. I would get emotionally invested even though I knew better. I would grieve the loss each time we were told we weren’t chosen to be that particular baby’s parents.

The Call

In January 2018, we were finally matched with a birth mother who was having a little boy at the end of March. About a month after we were matched, the birth mother disappeared and stopped communicating with us and the adoption agency. I hung onto the fact that she might reappear and he would be ours. I held my breath  and prayed that she would change her mind, up until we got the call about the baby that would later become our daughter.

We ultimately found out later that she decided to keep him and is parenting him today. I think about them often and pray for a wonderful life for them both. During this time, I started telling my husband, my mom and my closest friends, that I felt as though we needed to give up and having another child just wasn’t in the cards for us. I had completely given up hope. Looking back, I am beyond grateful to my support system for encouraging me to continue on with our journey.

Our Baby Was Born

On March 2nd, 2018, a sweet baby girl, who we later named Teagan Jaymes, was born in Las Vegas. At that time, we had no idea who she was or that she had been born. We didn’t know that our entire lives were about to be forever changed that week. During Teagan’’s first week of her life she had an amazing team which included – hospital nurses, social workers, and a cradle care mom who held and loved on Teagan. I am forever grateful for them! Teagan did not have great prenatal care, and there is no doubt in my mind that the nurturing she received during that week, helped her more than we will ever know.

Two days before she was born, I contacted the adoption agency to let them know that we would be interested in being considered if another adoption profile situation came up. To my surprise, the social worker told us that a baby girl had been born two days prior and the birth parents were going to be placing her for adoption.

After much consideration, we decided to say “yes,” to being presented as a potential match for the birth parents. Two other couples were also being considered, so we had to wait four more days to find out who they would pick. Those were the longest four days of my entire life. Little did we know, our wait would soon be over.  I got a call at work on March 9th saying that we had been picked! I remember running down to my bosses office and said “We got a baby!” and ran out the door.

A Day Of Happiness

On March 9th, we were allowed to go meet our baby girl at the cradle care house! Of course, we wanted to take her home immediately, but we were not allowed to bring her home until her birth parents signed termination of parental rights. We were able to spend about two hours with her. There are no words to express the emotions we felt that day.

She was perfect and she was ours. People say to us all the time that Teagan is so lucky to have us; but at the end of the day, we know that we truly are the lucky ones. She has taught us so many lessons. One that I think everyone can relate to is that it doesn’t matter how we become parents. It’s all difficult and there is no wrong or right way. This is not how we imagined our family growing, but it couldn’t be more perfect!

She’s Coming Home

The following day, we were able to bring our sweet girl home. She was officially ours forever and was perfect for our family. Our five year old son, Gavin, fell in love with her immediately and still can’t get enough of being a big brother. Watching the love between our two children grow has truly been incredible to watch. I was worried about my kids being so far apart in age, but it has been so awesome! Shockingly, I have ended up loving their age difference! Teagan thinks Gavin is the funniest person in the world, and he loves being able to teach her new things.

The Struggle Of Infertility

I am sharing our story because often times infertility, miscarriages and adoption, aren’t talked about in our society. In a world filled with social media, I think it is even more important to share the stories behind the pictures. According to my social media, we had this perfect little girl plopped into our home one day and everything was easy.

Adoption is amazing and I would do everything all over again a million times over knowing what the ending would be. For anyone who is experiencing the struggles of growing your family, please don’t feel ashamed in asking for support. Talking to a therapist, joining a support group or talking to your friends and family about what you are going through is so beneficial to your mental health while going through this process. If you don’t have a support system, please reach out to me! You are never alone.

You Are Not Alone

Throughout the process of trying to grow our family, we felt such a deep sense of helplessness. We had no control over most of the process both through IVF and adoption. We simply had to learn to let go of control and trust that every step and every minute of the wait would be worth it. And it was. Teagan is worth it all and we feel so incredibly honored to be her forever family.

“It is important that we share our experiences with other people. Your story will heal you and your story will heal somebody else. When you tell your story, you free yourself and give other people permission to acknowledge their own story.” ~ Iyanla Vanzant

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Marie Grantham Photography

2530 Saint Rose Parkway

Henderson, Nv 89074

(702) 336-1609 or mgranthamphoto@yahoo.com